They are huge and full of life.
Humans know nothing about them.
Well, maybe not all humans.
C has shown us places where, he says, unidentified human bodies research the very same things, gathering information day and night, and who knows for whose benefit.
For example the same old brick building that was in some valley, to which he took some of us on one of the cold nights of December (a few weeks after his release from the arrest of the 'Police of the Earth Society Protection'), a place that looked like an abandoned industrial area. There were unpleasant vibrations around and at one point we all, without saying a word, walked away and climbed into the woods that were a little up. And when a white jeep came out of the area of the building and advanced on the road below us, C urged us to disappear behind the trees next to which we stood and watched. As the jeep moved on, it felt like a life-threatening situation had passed. We did not return the same way we came, we climbed through the same grove, and in the dark. Since then we have learned to recognize the white jeeps.
On the way back Zvi reminded me of the early recruitment we were recruited as children. I always treated it like a dream I had in fourth grade. But Zvi said that we were actually recruited, a group of 'talented' children, and he claimed that even there, until it stopped, some time after the war that was in the country, we were trained to see the same 'lifers' that C also trained us to see, trained us to deal with them. Perhaps today they will call it 'experiments in consciousness'. I thought the other kids who were there, too, should remember that. But everyone is silent. Even the 'gang' of the "punch hits chart" raters is silent today, as if that world froze and became a fossil. Like the moon above, as I write these things in the old land I walk in, alone, drawn in ghost circles to what was, or similar to what was.
That night I do not remember if there was a moon, but the smell of sweat, while we were climbing the mountain, I remember, very alive. The feeling of danger that has not yet passed, that no one will believe us if we try to describe it. Just upstairs, in some public park we had reached, beyond which was a normal neighborhood street and cars were driving through, it felt like the danger had passed and they would no longer recognize us as those who were down there. C encouraged us to speak. Apparently because we were a small group of the whole bunch, we found ourselves talking about things we didn’t talk to C at all.
K.M, the English volunteer who worked at one of the kibbutzim in the area, was the one who asked "why are there so few girls". The question preoccupied us all. The girls who came, were usually the girlfriends of, in the original group they were not.
C said it was not a situation he 'ordered' him. Women are not attracted to the field we are dealing with, except in rare cases. I would find myself then thinking of C's lover, the one he once told us about, that he actually gave up on, in order to delve deeper into space studies. Something in all this was not clear, not explained to the end.
C said that the 'big alien' (the big 'lifing' entity) is female. He divided the universe into 'the little life' – the same stardust he showed us everywhere, the 'medium life' – that are we and similar to us he met (not necessarily similar to us in form), and 'the great 'lifing' entity'. He said that the building blocks, the proteins from which life grows, as well as emotions, thought, awareness and intention, are abundant in the galactic clouds and black holes, and in the immense mass they are in there, they composed themselves to activity that sustains thought, feeling and even emotion and intention, long long before brain-bearing creatures have evolved anywhere in the universe. "The clouds of matter in space learned to think and feel long before we dreamed of existing," he said.
"Space thinks?" I asked.
"Yes, you could say. The materials that are in it, the processes, everything is full of thought, everything carries life, from here to here. It is the great 'lifing' entity."
I was a little surprised when he said it was feminine. It seems more appropriate to me that this great 'lifing' entity be androgynous. After all, if he was before brain-bearing creatures evolved, he was also before the reproductive organs, which separate females and males, evolved.
"The masculine is the later addition of nature," said C. "The last" 'perfection', for now. "
C said that perhaps the reason women are not looking for what we are looking for is that "they have it inside, naturally."